Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
not ubering you a puppy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
