I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
