I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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