I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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