Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
