he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
