Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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