can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
