i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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