put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
