Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
