Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize