Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
