great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
