When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
