he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize