Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
