Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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