I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
