This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
