Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
