I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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