so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
