She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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