I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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