I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
