her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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