How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Watching her eat just hurts me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
