getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
