i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
