He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize