So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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