Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
