I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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