other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
