no, he came in my armpit
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize