dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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