Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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