Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
