ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
