Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize