i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
