Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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