Yo dont text me then not text me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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