i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize