Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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