At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
