I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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