I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize