I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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