just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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