Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
