I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
