I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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