Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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