i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
