friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize