Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
