Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
