I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
