When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
