my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So squirting runs in the family.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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