She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Be still, my beating vagina.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
