we're blogging at a bar
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
