Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
