And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
