her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
