Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
