I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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