I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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