3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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