I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
