I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
