Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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