I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
