think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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