I accidentally had phone sex last night
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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