Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
