Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
