i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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