my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize