Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
