eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
