Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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