so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
