This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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