so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
