Already got asked if we're dating
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
