I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
