Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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