I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
