I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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