I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
