I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
