Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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