my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
