I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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