She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
