i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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